By Cass Power
Friday, 6 October 2023
According to Tommy’s 1 in 4 people in the UK experience pregnancy or baby loss and this can have a lasting impact on an individual, couple or family.
Here at Beds SU, we are mindful that this may be an experience some of our students and staff have been or are going through, so we wanted to offer our support during this time by sharing information from wonderful charities working hard to offer bereavement support, open the conversation around baby loss and conduct ground-breaking research. We also wanted to share details of how we Beds SU and the University can offer support.
We also know that it is a topic that some may feel unsure of how to approach with loved ones who are or have gone through loss of this kind, so below we share some supportive language to consider.
Support from the University and Beds SU
If you have or are going through this experience, firstly we are sorry. We are also conscious that you may need some time to recover, and this may require you taking sometime out of your studies.
The university’s Student Engagement team have support in place and encourage you to reach out, book an appointment and discuss the support on offer from an academic point of view (this can include looking at mitigation and extensions on your work) as well as directing you to other services that can help. To speak with one of the team simply email Student.Engagement@beds.ac.uk.
Here at Beds SU our advisors can also offer support by directing you to support services both within the university and externally.
Taking a moment for you
At the heart of this awareness campaign is taking time out to reflect, culminating on Sunday 15 October at 7pm with a ‘Wave of Light’. This is a moment whereby people are encouraged to light a candle and pause. However, we appreciate you may prefer to choose the time in which you take a moment for you.
To support anyone who would like a space to pause and reflect our wonderful community and faith centre Treehouse, will be offering a quiet space of reflection and pastoral support in Luton. You can go along anytime between 10am – 4pm Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday of next week (week of the 9 October). You can place a tea light (supplied) here or write a message or just take a moment to be with your thoughts. You can always contact the team at Treehouse should you need support outside of these days too. Click here for their details.
Speaking from personal experience I understand how lonely and overwhelming the loss of a baby can be at various stages of pregnancy and so I wanted to share some of the wonderful support available that I found useful.
Charities:
If you are looking for online or in person support the following charities offer a wealth of advice, support groups and free counselling.
• Tommy’s
• SANDS
• Petals
All these charities offer the opportunity for individuals, couples, or families to talk openly in a safe environment with professionals and others.
Books
If you are looking for reading material, the following books could be of use. All authors bravely share their own or a collection of others journeys:
• Ask Me His Name – by Elle Wright
•The Baby Loss Guide – Zoe Clark-Coates
• Life Almost – Jennie Agg
• The Worst Girl Gang Ever – Bex Gunn & Laura Buckingham
• Beyond Grief – Pippa Vosper
Online communities:
There are also several social media accounts focused on breaking the taboo around pregnancy and baby loss and fighting to change the support women and family members require.
How to offer support to others:
Baby loss at any stage is isolating and not always a subject individuals feel they can share. From experience I know how hard family and friends can find it when looking to offer support in case they cause upset. Bex Gunn and Laura Buckingham, founders of the Worst Girl Gang Ever have put together some useful advice for anyone wanting to offer support. (Please note this is a social media account so include others comments) You can find out more here but below are some words of wisdom:
• Never start a sentence with ‘At least’
• Check in but don’t expect too much
• Saying something is better than saying something even if it is just ‘I am sorry for your loss’
• Don’t be offended by loved one’s boundaries and need to be absence from social gatherings
• Check in on partners – everyone involved will be hurting
It’s ok not to participate
Although the purpose of this week is to offer anyone who needs support and time to reflect, it is not something you should feel you have to be part of. If you wish to step back, not engage with any of the content that is ok.
Please look after yourself and if you would at a later stage like to join a support group here at the university the please email help@beds.ac.uk and together with Treehouse we will look to put this in place.